Overcome Sex Addiction

This Website Will Help You

• Understand Sex Addiction
• Know Yourself Without Hating Yourself
• Where To Begin To Correctly Overcome Sex Addiction
• Explain Why Other Methods/Approaches Fail
• Why Overcoming Sex Addiction Makes The Best Sex Possible

An addiction is like banging your head against the wall, it feels good when you stop. 

Sex Addiction Overview
An addict continues to engage in self destructive behavior because he or she believes the addiction is necessary for survival and happiness. This belief is a subconscious, experiential one rather than conscious one. How this belief is developed over time is explained in detail Here Overcoming it and changing it takes weeks or months and in some rare cases years.

In today’s world most people feel as if sex addiction is nothing to worry about. They don’t realize their own self destructive obsessive compulsion. A sex addict will do just about anything to satisfy what can’t be ever satisfied. Sex addictions result from an abuse of the inborn need to have sex that each person is born with. This abuse commonly begins out of one’s sexual curiosity in early teens but can also be developed later in adult life. Just as other addictions like drugs or alcohol, a sex addiction becomes more important than everything else in a sex addict’s life. It can destroy every part of a person’s life. A sex addiction can ruin ones self respect, confidence, self control, time, energy, the ability to form and/or maintain an intimate relationship, in some cases it affects the ability to be intimate with their partner. It can also interfere with work, finances, health. By realizing what sex addiction is doing, a sex addict tries to stop his addictive behavior but is unable to.

Overcoming sex addiction is one of the best things a sexually addicted person can do if not the most. Where to begin to correctly overcome Pornography and Masturbation Addiction is explained in detail Here

The Most Common Problem in Overcoming Sex Addiction
One of the most common problem a sex addict has with overcoming sex addiction is the belief that he can not overcome it. This belief develops after months or years of trying to overcome sex addiction again and again yet failing. A sex addicted person gives up all hope because of this belief that he will fail again if he tried again. The problem is that in the past he tried many times and tried many different methods to stop his sexually addicted behavior but failed and now he is given up all hope. You don’t have to be stuck in this compulsion for the rest of your life. You can learn from your past mistakes and correct them before you make those same mistakes again. You can use past failed attempts to stop as to motivate your self and overcome your sex addiction with knowledge and right guidance from someone who has overcome sex addiction himself. The most common problem to overcome sex addiction is the decision not to try.

Denial of Sex Addiction
Majority of sexually addicted people are in denial of their sex addiction. They decide that sexually addicted behavior is meant as something to be enjoyed as other things in life. Some justify their sexual addicted behavior as :

“A way of having fun”
“I do it when I am stressed or when I'm bored”
“I have a high sex drive than others, especially my partner”
"If my partner doesn't know about my sexually addictive behavior, it doesn't hurt her or our relationship"
“I love having sex, it is just the way I am”
“Sex Addiction is nonsense”
“I don’t consider my sexual behavior as an addiction, there are people who do worse than me”
“Everyone does it”

These sexually addicted person’s justifications can be overcome if properly guided.

How Addictions Develop

In depth look into what an addiction is and how it develops overtime.  Lets define addiction then we will see how it works and later what we can do to overcome it.
An addiction is an activity or a substance that you use (usually somthing you like or enjoy and you find it pleasureable) and then you abuse it (example: it is done on daily basis) When it is abused it begins to interfere with your daily life. Because whatever you do more and more and is pleasureable you want it more also. After a while you try to stop so it won't interfere with your daily life. This is called suppression. Even though you are choosing to stop you are still suppressing. The problem with suppression is that when it comes to sex addiction sexually addictive desires can't or don't stay suppressed and emerge again after a few days, weeks, months or even after years. That is one of many reason why people fail to stop their addictive behavior for long term. If after stopping your addictive behavior you feel depressed, angry, anxious...assume you have not overcome your addiction. Overcoming your addiction should feel like you are doing something good for yourself if you are not feeling good about stopping your addiction your approach to stopping your addiction is incorrect.

Why Sex Addiction is Different From Other Addictions

Sexual addictive feelings are more difficult to deal with than other addictive feelings because of the personal emotions and feelings involved.  If you were to ask a sex addict to just stop, it wouldn't work because he will not only feel isolated from expressing his own emotions and feelings but also sense of a loss.  Tweleve Step program treats all addicts with the same approach which in the long run fails An alcoholic can not feel what a sex addict feels and vice-versa but they do share a common trait which all addicts do, the trait is that all addicts use their addictive behavior to hide and escape from ups and downs of life. The irony is their addictive behavior also becomes part of addict's life's ups and downs and then the addict uses escapist thinking and tries to hide from their addiction but is unable to do so unless approached differently he will continue to act addictively for the rest of his life. You hear people dying from decades of drugs and alcohol use but not from sex. That is because sex is not as harmful as drugs and alcohol, but sex addiction causes more conflicts in life than any other addiction because it involves your most personal feelings, emotions, and relationships.

Connection Between Addiction And Stress

Stress is an unavoidable part of life. One reason the Twelve Step approach fails is its reliance on HALT, which stands for, "Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired." Everyone gets too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, and too Tired. It's inescapable. But the unworkable HALT approach reveals something about addictive thinking: People who act addictively believe that addictive behavior is needed to relieve stress. In fact, addictive behavior *increases* stress. Breaking the connection between addiction and stress will diminish the overall tension in your life. It will make it easier for you to cope with anxiety because you won't be compounding your problems by adding addictive behavior.

In many cases, the addictive behavior causes more stress than the original problem. For instance, if you're bored, that can be stressful. If you act addictively to relieve the boredom, not only does the boredom eventually return, but you also compound the boredom with anxiety, guilt, and a sense of profound hopelessness about dealing with life.

If you act addictively under stress you worsen the stress because you hinder your ability to face your problems.

Some of the signs of an addiction

-The behavior increases over time

-The behavior is self destructive

-The behavior causes harms to others

-The behavior is used to alter moods

-The behavior is just a quick empty high

An addiction is behavior a person cannot control that leads to harmful consequences. The behavior could be related to substances, such as: alcohol, drugs or food. Or it could be activity-related, involving, for example: sex, sleep, exercise, or work. Addictions like smoking, drug abuse or alcoholism must be stopped completely to be overcome. Other addictions should be controlled rather than stopped. For instance, overeating is handled by controlling one's eating - not by starvation. One does not truly overcome a sexual addiction by resorting to celibacy. Sexual addiction is overcome by dealing with the underlying problems that lead to addictive sexual behavior, thus enabling the client to have an enjoyable rather than an addictive sex life.

If a person engages in compulsive behavior which is not harmful, the behavior is not addictive. For instance, if you must have something to read while waiting in the doctor's office, that is not addictive. But if you compulsively read rather than face the problems in your life, you are addicted to reading. If you enjoy sex, it does not mean you're addicted. If, however, your sexual activity hinders your relationships, keeps you from forming a long-term, honest, loving relationship, or compels you to be deceptive, you are definitely addicted.

You can tell if your behavior is out of control by observing if you can keep it from becoming harmful. Eating is not harmful and should be enjoyable. But if you cannot stop eating before it becomes a negative force in your life, then you are out of control. Having an intense sexual appetite is not addictive. If satisfying your sexual needs brings you and your partner closer together, then you're not addicted. If your sexual needs lead you to promiscuity, distant relationships, pedophilia, short-term flings, compulsive masturbation or a dependency on pornography, you're out of control.

An Addictive Cycle

-You are acting addictively.

-You reach a point of disgust.

-You tell yourself, "I've had it!" You make a gut-wrenching effort to stop.

Or stopping doesn't take much effort because you're so sick and tired of acting addictively.

 -You feel better. You're happy not acting addictively.

 -Then one day, your mind seems to flip a switch and back you go to your addiction.

 -You can't stand going back. But you're back.

 -The addiction becomes pleasurable to you again.

 -You start the process all over again.

After acting addictively most sex addicts feel shame and disgust. For others, the shame and disgust sets in later. And the addict takes on the characteristic of any other addiction. Because now the addict seeks the next addictive thrill to overcome the guilt and shame of the prior one. All addicts share a tragic trait with other addictions. The tragedy that undermines all addictions is that most people who are sexually addicted have stopped doing their addiction for some period of time. Then after weeks, months, or in some cases years, they find themselves returning to their addiction.

When the addict returns to the addiction, he or she sinks into a pit of hopelessness and doom. At the bottom of it they fatalistically conclude that they are sentenced to a life of addiction. They come to believe that because they returned to their addiction, they didn't want to stop in the first place. What they don't realize is that if they had gotten better advice they probably would be free of their addiction today. The process of overcoming addiction is a parallel challenge. Not only is there the challenge of addiction, there is also the necessity of developing the personality skills so that you can function well in adult relationships.

Can it be done? Not if you use approaches that have continuously failed to help sexually addicted people. The most common approaches - conventional therapy and 12-step programs - have a consistent track record of failure in the area of sexual addiction. Conventional therapy fails because it relies on the myth that you are not responsible for your actions. It states that because of some trauma in your past you act addictively. But the fact is millions of people have been abused, many worse than you. And they do not become addicts. 12-step programs fail because they use an alcohol model to treat sexual addiction. Since alcohol is not an inborn drive you can cold-turkey alcohol. But if you try to cold-turkey sex you will fail.

To find an approach you can have confidence in you must first find a counselor you can trust. And that brings us to the main problem. How do you know that you can trust me? How do you know that I can actually help you? Answer: you don't. Overcoming addiction is like anything else in life entails risk. In order for me to help you, you need to take a risk. The risk is minimal, but it is still a risk. That risk is contacting me and asking for help. You've probably never been able to talk to anyone about this. Or the people you have spoken to were empathetic but not very helpful. Or they were condemnatory. You've wanted help for years. This isn't the first time you've thought about getting it. You sometimes tell yourself that you can live with your addiction. Other times you tell yourself, "I've got to stop." You may have considered suicide, you may have attempted it.

The guilt is like a thunderstorm that drenches your mind and feels like it will never end. The obsession pokes, jabs, kicks and punches at you day and night. You know that you will never get over the self-hate and the disgust for as long as you continue. You feel that no one can be trusted. The list of pains and miseries you experience can go on endlessly. And it will - until you get the help you need.

How Self Destructive Addiction Becomes So Important?

There are no "positive" addictions. All addictions have bad consequences in some way or form. Contrary to the great belief everybody has a "vice", there are millions of people who are not addicted to anything. Not because their parents "raised" them good or they grew up in a "good" environment, or because they do not have a "disease", it is because of their choices. One of my clients, who I helped overcome a sex addiction few years ago, said he should have never started his addicted behavior. For him what begun as a harmless fun, over the years became overwhelming compulsion to sex addiction. No one starts addictive behavior expecting to become hooked, on the contrary, that thought does not even cross their mind, especially when it comes to sex addiction because sex comes naturally to us.

You gave up a lot in your life to indulge in your addiction. When you stop incorrectly and fail, you affirm your mind that addiction is necessary in your life and is more important than your reason(s) to stop. For example, when someone wants to be healthier and want to save time by stopping, but fails to stop by going back to the sexually addictive behavior, he affirms his mind his addiction is more important than him being healthier or saving time. Or if someone wants to stop because fear of losing marriage/relationship and hurting their career, but then he acts addictively and affirms his mind addiction is important in his life even though he fears of losing marriage/relationship and hurting his career. Also if you tried to stop ten times and failed ten times, not only did you affirm your mind ten times that your addiction is more important than your reason(s) for stopping, you make it more difficult for your next attempt to stop. That is one of the reason the sooner you stop correctly the better. Overcoming an addiction is one of the best things you can do for yourself if not the most.

What's so unique about sex addiction?

Sex addiction impacts heavily on a person’s every aspect of his or her life. It is also very complicated. Unlike other addictions there are many different types of sex addictions including masturbation, porn, promiscuity, infidelity, phone sex, pedophile, nymphomania, strip clubs, prostitutes. Before a problem can be solved you have to know what you dealing with. In other words before trying to stop sex addiction one must understand how the addiction works and why one is acting sexually addictive. Every sexual addiction is different. For instance someone who has a problem with masturbation and is single does not have the same problem as a person who is in a relationship who is hooked on prostitutes. A single person’s entire sexual experience has been only with himself through masturbation addiction while the person who is having sex with prostitutes has his sexual experience with someone else. But knowing and understanding your particular sexual addictive behavior does not end it. That is just half of the battle.

One another thing to note, incorrect withdrawal to a sex addiction causes symptoms that are much more painful and felt deeply than a substance addiction like alcohol or drugs. You go running back to your addictive behavior rather than continue in an extremely painful withdrawal.

Addictive Sex vs. Enjoying Sex

The person who is struggling to overcome sex addiction can overcome their addiction if stopped correctly. Not only their life improves overall, their sex life greatly improves also. Twelve-steppers and psychotherapists advise sex addicts to refrain from all forms of sex including having loving sex with their partners for certain amount of time in hope of stopping their sex addictions. That leads the sex addict person deeper into their sexual addictive behavior because it encourages addictive behavior. In other words a starved man is told to go on a diet in order to achieve his health. Celibacy is not the answer to overcoming an sex addiction.

Natural sex is not something to feel guilty about. It is not something to be denied or resisted. But it is something that can be abused. When the natural need for sex is abused it becomes an addictive compulsion. Once you become addicted, the natural desire for genuine, loving sex is overwhelmed by the addictive compulsion to escape. Which brings us to the question: Escape what? In a word: "life." In a phrase: "the troubles, difficulties and hassles of living." When sex is used as an escape it is not really a pleasure. It's a relief. There is a profound difference between pleasure and relief. Relief is like banging your head against the wall because it feels good when you stop. Pleasure is the enjoyment of a healthy mind and body. The difference between addictive sex and natural sex is the difference between screwing and making love. When you screw someone you use their body to provide you with a thrill. When you make love you are emotionally involved. Your body is an expression of the feelings you have for that person. Their body is an expression of the feelings they have for you. Addictive sex screws you. Natural sex spiritually nourishes you.

Addictive sex screws you because:
-It overwhelms your need for natural sex.
-It entices you into a life of compulsion.
-It fills you with fantasies that can never come true.
-It puts up a barrier between you and reality.
-It separates you from real emotions.
-It teaches you to hide, to sneak and to live with shame and guilt.

Natural sex is not shameful. It doesn't lead to guilt. It entices you to enjoy life and to enjoy yourself and your partner. It fills you with real emotions, not fantasies. It teaches you to love life.
-Going to prostitutes is a definite sign of sexual addiction.
-Using pornography to the extent that you neglect your partner in real life is another sign of sexual addiction.
-Or using pornography as a substitute for real sex is still another indication of being sexually addicted.
-Masturbation can be also indicate sexual addiction.

You don't have to be a genius to overcome a sexual addiction. You only need two things:
-First, a desire to make your life better.
-Then, a willingness to be honest with me about yourself.
Combine those qualities with good counseling and you are on your way to overcoming your addiction and enjoying the greatest sex there is.

Pornography And Masturbation Addiction

Pornography Addiction
Porn addiction is usually fueled by masturbation addiction. There are very few men who use porn without masturbation. Many women in a relationship feel that their partner’s use of porn is adultery. However, men do not believe they have committed adultery. An addiction to pornography can not be overcome immediately. To understand porn addiction one has to understand what is the reason behind porn addiction. The usual reason behind porn addiction in most cases is masturbation. Let's take a closer look, in order to masturbate you either use porn or make up fantasies in your head. Most addicts prefer porn rather than making up fantasies in their head. When you use porn you masturbate. Not because porn "hijacked" your brain and made you masturbate, the real underlying reason for you using porn is because you wanted to masturbate that is why you used porn. The main reason behind porn addiction is masturbation addiction because you need to use porn in order to masturbate. If you are addicted to porn and masturbation you need to first correctly overcome masturbation addiction then you can stop your addiction to porn. It is impossible to stop porn addiction without first correctly stopping masturbation addiction.

The pornography addicted person becomes so occupied with looking for the next fantasy that they spend hours and sometimes days searching the internet and wasting thousands upon thousands of dollars, destroying their relationship and in some cases risking their job and getting into legal trouble. That very same time and money can be spend much better once the person overcomes porn addiction.

To overcome pornography addiction, first you need identify if you are also addicted to masturbation. Usually the force behind porn addiction is masturbation addiction. If you are addicted to masturbation and want to stop your porn addiction, you will need to overcome masturbation addiction first. You can not stop porn addiction without first dealing with masturbation addiction. A very few men who do not masturbate and use only porn. It takes time to overcome porn addiction. If you install porn blocking software, cut off cable or get rid of the TV, it will not help in the long run. Even if all the porn in the world was gotten rid of you will just make up fantasies in you head to fulfill your sexually addictive interest.

Masturbation Addiction
The following questions will help you evaluate whether or not you're addicted to masturbation.

-Is masturbation a hobby to you?

-Do you do it when you are bored?

-Do you feel like, "I need to masturbate," the same way an alcoholic feels, "I need a drink"?

-If you are single, do you prefer to stay home and masturbate rather than go out and try to build an intimate relationship?

-Do you experience masturbation hangover (disoriented, fatigued, and stressed after masturbating)?

-Do you wish you could go a week without masturbating?

-Do you masturbate to the point of exhaustion?

-Does masturbation cause you physical pain?

-After you have sex with your partner do you need to masturbate?

-Do you prefer masturbation to having sex with your partner?

-Does masturbation hinder you from having sex with your partner?

-Are you impotent with your partner but capable of masturbation?

-If your partner turns you down for sex, do you find that you must masturbate?

-Do you sneak masturbation in at work? Do you do it in the car or in public places?

-Do you rely on masturbation to relieve stress?

-Does masturbation get in the way of accomplishing the things you want to do?

-Do you wish that your partner or people you meet were as exciting as your masturbation fantasies?

-Do you feel proud of yourself when you are able to not masturbate and feel unhappy when you do masturbate?

If you think you have a masturbation addiction. Don't beat yourself up. Addictive masturbation is not a sin; it is not perverted or disgusting. It's a problem, not a moral weakness. Don't treat yourself like a horrible person. You have a problem, nothing more - or less. Addictive masturbation takes a great toll on a person, but don't expect yourself to overcome a masturbation addiction today. It takes time. You're better off understanding that you are not ready than you are demanding the impossible of yourself. Don't avoid relationships because you have a masturbation problem. You can still build a good relationship even though you are struggling with masturbation addiction.

A person addicted to masturbation believes that in order to stop he or she must stop the behavior for period of time. Some believe they must refrain from all sex for a short period of time in hope of stopping the addiction. You have been acting addictively for years. You have nearly destroyed your healthy, comfortable lifestyle in order to indulge in this addiction. Addiction has become very important to you.  Stopping just the behavior essentially is not enough. You need to deal with the underlying issues for your masturbation addiction. That does not mean you need to look in the past or your environment. Licensed therapists advise people that if you want to stop your masturbation addiction, just have sex with your wife or girlfriend instead of masturbating. That advice not only makes your addiction worse but your lovemaking with your partner also cheapens to just a substitute of your addictive behavior. Overcoming masturbation addiction increases sexual pleasure in your life because you can satisfy your natural sexual need for intimacy and actually feel good about it.

Stop Without Developing New Addiction

You can overcome the discomfort of withdrawal in a relatively short period of time and make the experience positive. Or you can suffer in withdrawal. The pain can go on for months - and you will most likely return to the addictive behavior rather than continue in pain. The difference between a positive, successful withdrawal and a painful, unsuccessful one is in the approach you take.

Behavior modification is an attempt to redirect addictive activity into a preferred activity. The redirection is accomplished in two ways:

1. Substituting a preferred substance or activity for the addictive one.
2. Avoiding addictive situations by redirecting yourself away from them.

Here's a short review of some substitutions recommended by conventional, licensed therapy, the Twelve Step program and just about every addiction counselor.

Smokers are told to chew carrots instead of smoke cigarettes.

Overeaters are told to pig out on lettuce instead of chocolate cake.

Alcoholics are told to suck on sweet candy and drink lots of coffee and/or sodas instead of drinking alcohol.

Drug addicts are switched from illegal drugs to legal ones.

Sexually addicted people are told to have sex with their partner instead of using porn, masturbating, or going to a prostitute.

Substitutions and avoidances *create* anxiety, tension, stress and depression in withdrawal because:

If you substitute food, you will live with the stress and tension of gaining weight.

If you avoid your friends or family, you might become depressed as your mind concludes, "In order to stop acting addictively, I'm required to avoid my friends and family."

If you try avoiding job stress, your mind will conclude, "It's impossible for me to do my job normally and stop acting addictively." The result: more tension and stress.

If you use your partner as a sexually addictive substitute, it will be at the cost of the honesty and intimacy you need in the relationship. In time, you will feel stressed and depressed about using her as a replacement for porn/masturbation, fantasies or as a stand-in for a prostitute.

If you try to keep extra busy, you will be afraid to rest. Without relaxation your tension increases and it could negatively affect your health.

For The Sex Addict In A Relationship

The sexually addicted person whose relationships are defined by sexual addiction is unaware of the joy and love s/he is missing out on in real life. The sexually addicted person whose sexual addiction is in conflict with a committed relationship may not understand that his/her sexual addiction is actually a rejection of the person who loves them. Millions of sexually addicted people have lost good relationships and their loving families because of their sexual addiction. You don't have to become one of them.

A sexual addiction is a way of relating. For instance, phone sex is a cold, meaningless way of relating. Its appeal, like any other sexual addiction, is a momentary impersonal thrill. A close study of sexually addicted people will reveal that most people who indulge sexual addiction, cannot maintain a close loving relationship. This is not a coincidence. It is causal. Most people caught in the world of sexual addiction feel a deep, heavy loneliness. The loneliness is caused by the sexual addiction. But in too many cases the sexually addicted person believes that the sexual addiction is the answer to their loneliness. In more advanced cases sexual addiction can lead to withdrawal from the world at large. There are thousands of sexually addicted people who have no relationships outside of their addiction.

-The time you spend acting addictively can be invested in doing something productive like spending quality time with your loved ones.

-The more you act addictively the less you become interested in your daily life especially your partner.

-If you have problems in your intimate relationship, your addiction makes them worse.

-When you hide your addictive behavior you don’t admit your addiction to your partner or yourself.

-If you do not overcome your addiction your partner will probably end the relationship sooner or later.

-Sex addiction ruins sex life for both you and your partner. The sooner you overcome your addiction the better for both of you.

-If your partner complains about being ignored, your sex addiction is the main reason.

-The energy you put into your addiction takes away energy from your relationship with your partner.

-If you lie about your sex addiction to your partner, you will probably lose your relationship and you might have difficulties getting into another relationship.

For the partner of a sex addict

Your partner’s sex addiction is not caused by you, in anyway, it is caused by his choices. You feel like you need to go against his sex addiction. It is his problem not yours. If he admits his problem that he is sexually addicted, he can be helped but if he does not want to admit his problem then his defenses can be broken through with help and proper guidance for you. If you try to break his defenses on you own you might make it worse by presenting your self as someone who is trying to take away his “favorite toy” because that is how he feels about his sex addiction. A sexual addiction, if not overcome, destroys good marriages and ruins families. The relationship can also be healed while struggling with sex addiction. Below are some of the signs you can look for to discover if he is sexually addicted.

-Wastes money on porn that is one of the signs he's addicted.

-He is loosing interest in you is another sign of sex addiction.

-He must have sex one way or other if he cant have you he must "take care of it himself"

-He wants you and the porn because hes addicted to porn.

-If you find porn in the house or the computer you might have found the proof that he is a porn addict.

-If you found your partner masturbating, you have probably just found out his sex addiction.

-He gets into trouble with you or other people because of his addictive behavior.

-You threaten to leave him or you tell him you can't take it any more. He promises to stop then breaks his promise.

Advise on Sex Addictions

Someone who has never had a good relationship needs to find out why they are having difficulty building an intimate relationship. Your bigger problem is not your sex addiction. Your bigger problem is lack of intimacy. Building a relationship takes time and effort. Sex addiction is easy. You can turn on the fantasy world, get sexual satisfaction and stay in the house.

One thing I can tell you is looking in your past and where the problem rooted form won't help you overcome your addiction. That is one of the many reasons why people fail at overcoming any addiction. I suggest, instead of looking for solutions first understand the problem. Sex addiction is a very complex addiction. As you age ever-so-quickly you might act addictivly for the rest of your life. No matter how much will power you have will power wont help you stop your addiction. I am sure you already know that from your experiences. I know because I overcame sex addiction 15 years ago. Now I have the oppturtunity to help others.

I have some bad news and good news for you. Lets take care of the bad news first...if you dont overcome your addiction correctly you will probably act addictvely for the rest of your life. However the good news is you can overcome your addiction. To stop your porn/masturbation addiction its gonna take more than liking someone very much. It is not you, it is HOW you are trying to stop your addiction. I overcame my sex addiction 15 years ago. It took me years to discover the info to stop sex addiction. So what you want to do now is get competent help, who can actually help you stop and stay stop for good OR you can continue on your own trying to stop...but before getting advice from someone who hasn't overcome a sex addiction themselves, because sex addiction is very complex, you are much better trying to stop on your own than who hasn't a clue about sex addiction.

The sooner you get help the better because addictions get worse... they do not fade away overtime. One thing I can tell you is your addiction does not "cause" you to do crazy things. It is YOU who do things like cheat and get you into situations where you are leaving yourself open to feel things for other people. Your problem requires professional help but it can be overcome relatively quickly. Make sure you get help that meets your demand and need and not some behavior modifications,therapy, etc. because from my work (as an addiction counseler for past 15+ yrs) I know wrong advice can make things a lot worse. If you want my help please contact me.  Also if you are wondering why you are an exhibitionist it is because you have an intimacy problem. I can also help you with relationship problems.

There are different types of sex addictions masturbation, infidelity, porn, promiscuity, pedophilia, etc. Your addiction seems to be promiscuity. But underneath your real problem is unable to build an intimate relationship with someone. Lets be real and look at sex. By nature sex is meant to be enjoyed as a loving intimate experience. When you have sex you express your love physically with someone who you love but if you use sex as a thrill, a way to have fun or a way to solve personal problems it becomes an addiction overtime. One night stands mean you just want to feel good without any emotional attachment which of course overtime becomes an addiction.

No longer looking at porn will not help you remove guilt/regrets. Eventually you will soon go back to looking at porn and then masturbating to it. Because masturbating to porn gives you more pleasure than making fantasies in your head. Your real problem is not porn it is masturbation. Lots of people conclude that the real problem is porn and not masturbation. They are wrong. You masturbate during porn because you use porn to experience the sexual pleasure of masturbation. Porn is not the reward. Masturbation is. Alcoholics don't drink to experience the taste of alcohol. They drink for the experience of getting drunk. You don't use porn because you like photography, or you like to read magazine articles or you want to learn about video production. Porn doesn't appeal to you because you're interested in studying human anatomy. You use porn to experience the pleasure of masturbation.

We do not have control over addictions. What masturbation, porn, fantasy does is it takes over your life and it hurts your relationship with your wife or gf. Even if she does not know about your addicted behaviors. Some people become so obsessed and consumed by porn, masturbation that they lose the ability to have sex with their partner. I hope you realize that before it is too late. And for all the people out there sending messages like masturbating everyday is perfectly normal I am gonna set the record straight ANYTHING I repeat anything can be used as an addiction including sleep, exercise, reading, listening to music, talking, cooking, cleaning, watching tv, shopping. Anything.

No one starts addictive behavior expecting to become hooked. Admitting that you have a problem is a first step to overcome your addiction. To overcome masturbation and porn addiction it takes time and if you do not stop correctly you will make things worse.  Some addictions can be overcome quickly if not immediately while others take time. I agree that you don't need more tools on how to curb your appetite or a larger support system of people. I know that does not work. What you need to learn is how to deal with sex addiction on your own without any support system. In other words what you want to learn is something that will help you face your appetite no matter how strong or under any circumstances and cope with it without acting on it and feel good about doing it.

Just to accept the addiction and try to live with it is one of the options of an addict who has tried numerous times to stop but has failed. While it is not a good option it is a option. However, if you stop your addiction correctly then you stay stopped and it feels wonderful just to know that you have control over your addiction and you don't have to waste your percious time, energy, health, money to this addiction anymore. Overcoming an addiction is one of the best things a person can do I know because I overcame four addictions myself including sex addiction.

I would be lying if I said to you that you can stop your sex addiction by just really putting up a fight like hell. As you know from your own experiences no matter how good your intentions are you reach a point where you do not care what you have to do in order to get your addiction. The good news is you can overcome this problem no matter how bad your childhood may have been but it is going to take some time and some competent guidance from someone who has personally dealt with this problem himself. I overcame four addictions myself including sex addiction.

Let me get right to the point your lack of sex with your partner is caused by lack of emotional interest in your partner. If you want great sex first build great relationship with her and it will lead to great sex. The lack of sexual attention from your girlfriend does not drive you to constant use of pornography only YOU drive yourself to use it. Everybody makes their own choices you make your own choices. You are not trapped for the rest of your life (even though lots of addict think that way because they have failed to stop over and over again) you can overcome your addiction, but it takes time and proper guidance.

Why overcome an addiction

"I hate being out of control".

"The addiction is ruining my life".

"I don't want to feel depressed from acting addictively".

"I don't like feeling guilty".

"I don't like feeling Insecure".

"I hate losing time to my addiction".

"The addiction is financially ruining me".

Yet, People still act addictively because they do not know how to overcome it. By nature we do not have control over our addictions. If you are willing to risk the quality of your life, your health, your time and the possibility of acting addictively for the rest of your life, you can, it's your choice.

You might feel hopeless because you have tried so many times in the past to overcome your sexual addiction and each and every time you ended up going back to the addiction. Almost every person I have helped overcome their addictions has tried some other approach or on their own before they used my counseling. Feeling hopeless about overcoming a sexual addiction is a part of the process. It's a stage everyone goes through. The hopelessness stems from past failures in dealing with sexual addiction and a sense of doom about the future.

First, give yourself credit for trying to overcome your sexual addiction. The fact is you tried to overcome your sexual addiction. You deserve credit for it. Secondly, the past will not repeat itself this time around because we are not going to repeat the mistakes of the past. Instead you will find out new things about sexual addiction and about yourself that will enable you to win your struggle. My counseling will give you an introductory insight into the unique, and highly effective aspects of this approach. Sexual addiction is devastating. It can destroy your life, haunt you with despair, entangle you into depression, harass you with anxiety, surround you with guilt, taunt you with shame and brand you with self-hate. When your every day experience of yourself is so profoundly negative, it is very, very difficult to imagine a positive future. In one way the doom you feel about the future is true. Because if you do not overcome your sexual addiction your future is bleak and miserable. But by overcoming your sexual addiction you free yourself of a painful future.

Failure of Willpower

If you are using any form of willpower to stop your sex addiction, not only will you fail, your addiction will get worse. Here’s why. You have been acting addictively for years. You have trained your mind that addiction is a necessity for survival and happiness. Because you have trained your mind that addiction is a need for survival and happiness, when you use willpower to stop, you conflict with the needs of your mind. You feel depressed, frustrated, and angry. Because of this conflict, as you know from your own experience no matter how much willpower you use you go back to your addiction sooner or later.

Most addicted people spend most of their life either trying to stop, wishing they can stop, or preparing for their next attempt to stop. If addiction is stopped correctly you can stay stopped through out rest of your life and have so much control, addiction feels like a thing of the past. People use all the will power they have and waste years trying to stop. But ask them, if you had all the will power you should have been able to stop then why did you go back to your addiction? By now you should know that no matter how much will power you have you won’t be able to just stop your addiction with will power.

Does "Hitting Bottom" Work?

One of the greatest myths about overcoming addiction is the belief spread by the Twelve Step Program and conventional, licensed therapy that "You have to hit bottom before you can overcome it."

Not only that it doesn't work, Hitting bottom gives you the perverse incentive to continue indulging in self-destructive behavior in the hope that someday you will find bottom and then be able to stop.

The Fast "In and Out" Cure

Most sex addicts get so sick and tired of their sex addiction that they waste most of their lives looking for a fast "in and out" cure to stop, unfortunately a fast "in and out" cure does not exist. It takes time to overcome a sex addiction. Instead of looking for that fast "in and out" cure look for comptent help, who can help you correctly stop your sex addiction and stay stopped through out your life. Let's face it you have been acting sexually addictive for years it will not just stop in a day or a week with programs, techniques, which claim you can stop anytime, any day of the week. The sooner you overcome your addiction the better because with time addictions only get worse. Addictions do no just fade away the longer you act addictively the longer it takes to overcome an addiction. It took me years to find out the information on how to stop my sex addiction and stay stopped. 

Another problem with the fast “in and out” cure is that addicts want the fast answer to everything. So when they are advised to prepare slowly and carefully to stop an addiction, they want a fast shortcut answer. What they get is failure. You've been acting sexually addictive for years. You've given up a lot in order to indulge in your sexually addictive behavior. While some sex addictions can be overcome quickly if approached correctly, you will not overcome an addiction to masturbation, porn, and promiscuity in a few days or a few weeks. It takes time to overcome a masturbation and porn addiction, it is nothing compared to the time you have put into your addiction and the time you will keep putting in it if you don’t stop correctly.

It doesn't matter how bad you want to stop or how fast you want to improve your life by stopping your addiction, the bottom line is that the quick and fast promising cures won't help you stop your addiction. Any programs, techniques, that promise to help you stop immediately or in a few weeks, assume those methods to be flawed. It is impossible to stop a addiction to masturbation, porn or promiscuity in a few weeks. People who claim that they stopped in a few weeks were never really addicted in the first place.

Comparison of Approaches

A Treatment Center
When you check into a treatment center you remain there 3 to 6 months for addiction “treatment“. You are removed from all your stresses and worries of your life. You are treated lavishly. You usually don’t act addictively. When you leave the clinic you usually feel good. They charge you from $8,000 to $15,000. When you get back home all the stresses and worries of your life you avoided for the past 3 months to 6 months are back in your life which you are not prepared to deal with and back you go to your addiction.

Conventional, Licensed Therapists
Behavior modification is the standard advice given by conventional, licensed therapists. Sexually addicted people are told to have sex with their partner instead of using porn, masturbating, or going to a prostitute. What you don’t know is that your partner can not replace the empty high of your addictive behavior. Substituting your partner only cheapens the love making between you and your partner. You are also told to cut off access to the Internet or use porn blocking software while on the Internet. Removing all access to pornography. Getting rid of cable TV.  Removing anything that might tempt the person to act sexually addictive. Avoid any sexual addictive situations; avoid movie, book, magazine, poster that might be sexually arousing. Avoid stress. Avoid being alone. Conventional therapists charge from $100-$200 per hour. Because behavior modification makes a healthy, happy life impossible, no one consistently applies it, hence you go back to your addiction.

Twelve Step Program
The Twelve Step Program relies on Higher Power to overcome addiction. It states that you must turn your will over to a Higher Power and ask the Higher Power to release you from your addictive desires. The Higher Power might or might not grant your request. No reason is given why the Higher Power might turn your request down. According to the Twelve Step program, if the Higher Power does not release you from your addictive desires, you are helpless. From an addict's point of view: "I turned myself over to the Higher Power. I did everything I was asked to do. But the Higher Power didn't stop me." If you want to stop your sex addiction don't expect Twelve Step program's Higher Power approach to remove a desire that you know is going to return anyway.

My Approach
To successfully overcome addiction you need an approach you can consistently rely on under any circumstances, at any time, and any place. In my counseling, behavior modification techniques are not advised which means no substitutes, no avoidances. You do not have to attend meetings, rely on support groups, get anrgy at yourself or anyone else, or get on your knees and pray. You can face all your stresses, worries of your life and still be able to stop acting addictively by relying on your own self and actually feel good about it. You overcome your addiction correctly and move on with your life. You get to the point where your addiction feels like a faded memory.

First Step To Overcome Sex Addiction

Stress, diseases, brain chemicals, traumas in childhood, bad environment, lousy parents, addicted personality. If you blame all or any of these for the cause of your addiction and you want to stop for good, forget about it. None of the listed above are the cause of your addiction. If you want to know who causes your addiction, take a look in the mirror. Your addiction began with your choices, it continued on because of your choices and only your choices can overcome it. If you have tried many times and failed, don’t give up there is hope for you. You can overcome your addiction by gaining the knowledge on how to stop correctly and moving on with your life instead of being stuck in an addictive cycle. First step to overcome addiction is taking full responsibility for your addiction. Don’t blame others, stress, or diseases. You will have a good excuse to continue to indulge in your self destructive addiction as long as you don’t take full responsibility for your addiction.

So, What's the second step?
Make CONTACT I can probably help you.  You don't have to be a mastermind to overcome a sexual addiction. You only need to ask yourself if you are willing to make your life better. Combine this with good counseling and you are on your way to overcoming your addiction and experiencing the joys of the greatest your life.

Since 1995, I've helped my clients successfully overcome addictions to

*Sexual addictions including masturbation, pornography, prostitutes, infidelity, promiscuity, fetish, phone sex, cyber sex

*Illegal drugs, including heroin, cocaine, crack, methamphetamines

*Prescription medications, including Prozac, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Zoloft, Paxil, Xanax, Ambien

*Overeating, including junk food, caffeine addiction, sugar addiction

*Tobacco

*Alcohol

*Gambling

*Workaholism

Letters From Clients

Letter from a client  

Dear Jay,

I started masturbating after I was molested by a close relative when I was only twelve. As the years went by I started watching online porn and went from masturbating on weekly basis to everyday. When I got my first job I couldn’t wait to get my paychecks and spend money on porn DVDs. I felt awful spending money on my addiction. I was so much pulled into my fantasy world that I stopped looking for a real relationship. I tried stopping every time I watched porn and/or masturbated.

After many years of failing my hard efforts to stop , I attempted suicide but was saved by my caring family. They never knew about my hidden addiction. How could I tell them a much personal problem that I wasted my life in. As a young adult I got myself into a few relationships. Needless to say those relationships didn’t last very long. Some of those relationships turned out very bad because of my addiction. I was looking for help anywhere and from anyone. I tried the 12 step program no less than 15 times. I went to several therapists and only to found myself getting deeper into porn and masturbation.

A good friend of mine suggested that I go see you. At first I was skeptic but when we first spoke you made sense about what was going in my life. First you helped me with my relationship problems. That helped me get into a wonderful relationship with person who I am greatly in love with and to be married soon. Then you helped me overcome my addiction to porn and masturbation. Every step of the way you made sense. I am glad I stumbled upon you. I wasted years into my addiction wishing I could somehow stop. Now I wish I would have ran into you earlier. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I couldn’t have turned my life around without your help. Thank you, thank you so much.

Michael B.


Letter from a client  
Dear Jay,

I wouldn't accept the fact that I was heavily sexually addicted and that my hidden addictive behavior was having any effect on my overall life, especially my marriage. When I was on the verge of losing my marriage to my second wife, I knew my addiction was getting out of control and that I had to look for help. After years of trying hundreds of different unsuccessful methods, I finally admitted that I needed professional help to overcome my addiction to porn and masturbation. Someone with prior experience in this field and knew what he was doing. Fortunately, I ended up on your website while searching for help. I read everything on your website before I called you. You and I discussed what we needed to work on in order to overcome my addiction and better my life. I was impressed with your skills and integrity. In your counseling I learned that overcoming addiction isn't about counting days, it is about making a choice to either do or not do the addiction. You taught me how to make that choice. I could probably continue right along but will say this in the end thanks to your help I saved my marriage and overcame my addiction. I can say with great confidence that your counseling works.

Jason T.


Letter from a client written
Hello Jay,

I remember the first time I masturbated. I was perhaps thirteen years old. The experience was overwhelming in its sheer power and ecstatic feelings. I was totally unprepared. I remember thinking I had discovered the most amazing thing in the world. But I told no one. Even without being aware of it, my unconscious sexual shame (or perhaps the collective unconscious sexual shame) told me to keep this secret from everyone. In the following days, weeks and months, I kept trying to re-experience the same ecstasy, but increasing masturbation produced less and less joy and more shame and pain. It soon became the biggest problem in my life so I joined your counseling looking for a way out. Now I know that first sexual experience gave me a taste of divine connection, a taste of what could be experienced by connecting with the divine, both in myself and in a loving partner. But as a young teen, I naturally thought it was the masturbation itself that gave me that high experience. I am in a wonderful, loving relationship now. I really want to thank you for your hard work, caring and commitment. I feel incredibly fortunate to have gotten the chance to turn my life around with your help.

Timothy J.


The statements made in the Letters above are made by individuals who have received personal counseling and are based on the results of that counseling. The original Letters are in the possession of the counselor and may be viewed with the permission of the client and the counselor.